Horses
“Letters are also called horses. For just as a horse can take its rider to a place he is unable to reach on his own, so too the letters of the Torah elevate the soul to a place that it cannot reach on its own.”
Whether you agree or disagree, this guy’s friggin’ hilarious.
The press grows a pair (or at least thinks about it).
Another day in the mesocosm
On September 29, 2004, Toutatis will pass by Earth at a range of four times the distance between the Earth and the Moon, the closest approach of any known asteroid or comet between now and 2060. One consequence of the asteroid’s frequent close approaches to Earth is that its trajectory more than several centuries from now cannot be predicted accurately. In fact, of all the Earth-crossing asteroids, the orbit of Toutatis is thought to be one of the most chaotic.
(thanx to for the link)
Some connect him with Albiorix, aka the King of the World. Teutates also seems to be linked to the practice of ritual sacrifice by drowning. The forced baptisms of… let us say… more militant (ahem) Christians comes to mind. Of course ritual drowning wasn’t limited to the Teutons: In this Hermes/Hekate unification (seems somewhat similar to a Yichudim) the subject is a cat. Ugh. I like the Slavic pagans’ version much better.
And this last version just makes me hungry.
But what disturbs me the most is the fact that it seems to be Aere (Perennius) that’s generating steam for Toutatis right now and Chaba is on the way. Sounds very much like a build up to a sacrificial ‘re-fertilization’ of the land. East or West, take your pick.
[In rai culture, Cheb (or the feminine Chaba) means "kid" and is used to signal the singer's youth in contrast to the titles Cheikh or Cheikha, which are used to denote age and respectability.]
Blargh p.2
Old Father Thyme
hunting for a rhyme
In the middle of a tall oak tree
But it’s a damn cold ride
And the feeling inside
Tells me nothing there’s for free
He shaped a sword
Tossed on the horde
And left it to sit unused
But when he looked back
He saw the black
Eyes of a man misused
I can’t see him anymore
Since I walked out the door
And the memory leaves no trail
But I’m soldiering on
And when comes the dawn
I’ll look to the west without fail
I’m damned if I do
And accurse’d too
And all for the price of an eye
I’ll wander forth
Into the north
Where the Ultima Thule does lie
What have we become?
Nuthin’ but numb
As the Beams do crack and break
And the lonely sigh
As the time grows nigh
For all company to forsake
As I look around
The dying sound
A clarion call of despair
But the dead keep truckin’
And I say fuck ‘em
For those who say “Can’t” won’t dare.
Rantiness Incarnate
Where to start…
I guess I’m just starting to be dissatisfied by things in general. My relationships aren’t the issue so much as just a general lack of purposeful activity. Not a lack of activity mind you, but purposeful activity. Of course there’s the old chesnut of just putting one foot in front of the other until you find yourself somewhere else. After all, if you don’t know where you want to go, anywhere you end up is okay, right?
Maybe that’s true in many cases. I don’t think it’s necessarily true right now though.
I’m beginning to question some root assumptions about life and finding that I don’t really have answers and that’s probably okay. The questioning process can be a good thing in and of itself.
It’s difficult to talk about I guess because of the fact that most of this process is going on at the liminal border line, sort of a squiggly line running back and forth, in and out of conscious thought. Half-daydream and half thought. Kind of a sea-goat thing maybe. Gotta love those hybrid processes.
Tonight I felt lonely, and Kris and the kids came with me while I walked Main Street. I felt like I was looking for something although I’m not sure what it is. I get like that sometimes. I just need to wander around, although that doesn’t necessarily make it better. It just gives me clues that I can follow up on later. Sometimes I feel like I’m dragging everyone along into the wilderness and they’re just kind of following along and noting the scenery. I think that I’d be a bit more relaxed if I stopped and looked at the scenery myself on occasion.
After we got home, I was thinking about how happy I used to be when I was just wandering from place to place, without any real motivation other than survival. It was so simple. Of course, I was also incredibly destructive in my relationships and I wasn’t really all that happy when I was staying in one place. Now I can be happy in one spot, but I’m still looking for something. Questing for the face of my father.
I remembered times when I was just hanging out, and when I look at them, I remembered that a lot of the time I was faking happiness and that underneath, I was fucking miserable. I guess we can lie to ourselves so long that eventually the lies are pretty enticing, compared to reality. A whole mythology of lies, and that’s what I called the real world for so long. It was made of nothings, false appearances based on me watching other people watch me, and becoming what they thought I should be in the situation.
Now the potential for real happiness is there, but as of yet it’s still a seed, not yet sprouted. The base assumptions are my attitudes about seemingly trivial things in my life, and those have to change to fertilize the soil (misspell: soul). So now I’m going act my way into better thinking, instead of thinking my way into better action (AA Cliche’ #210243159).
Thud
I love a good migraine. Nothing puts things in perspective like a dull thud every half a second or so. Pain is indeed a great motivator, although in this case it sometimes limits what I’m willing to do with that motivation. For instance right now, I’m learning how to type with my eyes closed so that the brightness of the monitor won’t hurt so bad. See I’m learning new things already! And at the same time, the slow constancy of the pain keeps me from sleeping, and cements the need for I/O of some kind. One thing I’m very grateful for is that this isn’t a tunnel vision episode. That just bugs the crap out of me, especially when it blocks out some portion of vision near the middle of visual range. I’ve spent hours trying to look around an optical illusion. Quite disorienting really.
I’ll have DSL by this time next week with luck, and will be happily enjoying the fact that my phone will be free again. It’s been a pretty good week. The kids have to be up at 7 for school. First day and all… they are pretty excited about it, and I’m glad that they’ll have friends to play with. They get to ride the bus to school (as of Monday) and hopefully they’ll make friends that live here in the apartment complex so they can go play and feel socially adjusted and all that good stuff. Personally I’ll be glad that I don’t have to dream up stuff for them to do half the day when they get bored and restless.
So my head feels a bit better, and I think I’m going to lay down again and try for a couple of hours of sleep.
Just tell me your answer, even if it sucks. Suddenly, she wasn’t there. I can never describe the walk back to my truck. I can never describe the walk back to my truck.
We’re going to regret this, my friend said. Suddenly, he disappeared. Love what you do and do what you love I didn’t have to say: can we change the meeting from 6 to 11? My kids have a music recital and I dont want to miss it for the world.
This was a place without the internet, without email, without the rush of business meetings and untapped desires. Suddenly, she wasn’t there. We’re going to regret this, my friend said. But under the circumstances, I’d do it again.
There’s something I should tell you. The continuation of our species matters more than you can imagine. It is the single most important thing we can do. Suddenly, he disappeared. There’s something I should tell you. Are you getting pieces of this?
Posted at the behest of
Hrm…
Curious long ramble about America… but I really kinda liked it.
Two families
Dreamed I was travelling with my family and another. The other family was full of blonde haired, blue eyed children and seemed like they might be European, perhaps German, although I’m not sure. There were two boys in the other family that kept picking on each other. One was rather large but extremely mellow. The other one was short but really witty. They’d argue for hours about things and yet they were friends and didn’t seem to mind that I followed them around and watched them. Of course the witty one could get pretty nasty but the bigger one didn’t seem to mind or even notice. Anyway, we went through Barstow, and ended up at a rather nice motel. I went with the brothers to go check out the rooms, and they had a bit of a spat, but it was quickly over and we headed back downstairs. When we got outside, there was a camera crew set up, and my mom seemed to be a reporter doing a report for a television program about our family vacation. I sat down and she started listing off everyone’s religion. She said that mine was “Servius Mobilius” and I nodded. Then I started looking at the people, and it seemed that for every male in our family there was a female in the other family and vice versa… and they looked like us. Not necessarily in hair color or eye color, but face shape, hair style, etc…
[/dream]
I am also very much enjoying the sound of the train that comes through town at night. There is something oddly haunting about it that pleases me, aesthetically speaking. Oh and just for irony’s sake, I’d like to note that the week we moved in I found the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy teaser, and also found out that I’d be moving into apartment number 42. [big grin]
Me @ H0gw4rtz Dream
Dreamed of a Hogwart’s-like school. During the course of things, I met a couple of friends, strays who’d forged papers to get in to the school. During the summer, they’d go out into something like pocket dimensions where the people had all died. There were thousands of these places, and many drifters before us that had come and raided these places. My friends were a guy and a girl, with the guy being in some of my classes. We were arguing because everyone else was going to pick a divination form over the summer, but we couldn’t unless we went and found one for ourselves. He was angry and said he didn’t care about divination. I let it go, and we proceeded on to an abandoned Wal-Mart, which had so much junk that it had collapsed down into a subway station. We started the long climb down, and I remember trying to climb down on something that wasn’t strong enough to hold my weight. Then I was falling for a minute, and I landed in a thatched roof. Herein lived a very powerful wizard, and once I got down out of his roof, he looked me over and declared that he would be teaching me and my friends until school started again.
